As I Wait
Posted on | February 3, 2010 | No Comments
Again I find myself in this place that has now become so familiar. Unlike previous times, I am now beginning to trust that I will find my way out again. Where am I? In this place like a deep hole…no , thats not it. I am in a glass box high above the world. I can see how everyone continues to move along. I wonder about them as I push my hands and press my face to the glass. Who are they? How can they keep going like that? I can’t keep going like this, but I do. Each day another day another day another day. I wait. I manage. I do what I can. I feel my way around in my feeling too much.
I hold my baby-breathe in his amazing smell and warmth. Then I feel the fear run through me like a sharp pulse. I could lose it all again. It takes so much to put the pieces together again. I will keep it together. I will do just this, and then this and then another day will pass. I can sleep this time so far, and that I am grateful for. It helps to write this- somehow it tames the beast just a bit.
I know I have made it through before, so I can make it through again. But once again, will I think it will be the last? Will it be the last?
For now I am trying for a drawing a day as I wait to make it out.