Growing

Posted on | March 14, 2009 | No Comments

I am growing. I have this little tiny bean size mass of cells with a four chambered heart, and other developing organs inside me right now, growing. My life is growing. I am opening- though I thought I was so open. Now I understand its been a different sort of closed.
I have been told throughout my life that I am the least judgmental person this person at that time ever met. I judge. I hate it. But sometimes I think it could be a form of safety- of self-protection. Sometimes even an affirmation of autonomy. I have never been one to follow a group or doctrine, or even to catagorize myself. I often judge others who do- How could you confine yourself like that? You could be such an interesting person all on your own…I’d want to say
…or when did you come to believe you were so interesting and important? You are really nothing, but I find you amusing in this way- with all your rituals, and snappy dialogue, and connections…I will look at you the way you want to be looked at, because I am in awe of your ridiculous audacity, and it makes me chuckle inside- somewhere in this indescribable place. And yes, you think you are ok- as long as all these things are in place that define your importance.
Because that is often what it is all about. Feeling important. Feeling significant, and feeling significant because other significant people see your significance. And this placing of significance is selective, and exclusive and that is very important ( essential really) to really being SIGNIFICANT-magnificent!
But back to growing. It is my main mission right now, and it is important. In fact, I think it is really quite significant.

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